My Police Experience As An Autistic Person

I recently had a run in with the police. Don’t worry, I actually did nothing wrong. It was something that I had APPARENTLY SAID but NEVER SAID!!!

I wanted to write about this as I had an awful experience with the police. I was not only accused of something I didn’t do but the fact that I was dealt with and how the police handled the situation made me open my eyes to the fact that how the police deal with autistic people isn’t great and they need to be trained in how to deal with anyone they question or deal with that are autistic.

How are police allowed to be able to use our autism as a weapon against us?? How do they think it’s OK to try to use our autism to try to confess???

I ask this as this happened in my experience recently so now it’s story time with me, Crazy World Online.

So just under two weeks ago, the police came to my house about something I had APPARENTLY SAID but I had actually NEVER SAID that had been flagged up to the police.

So picture this.

I’m in my bedroom, just reading one of my new graphic novels that I had bought the day before. Suddenly, my stepdad pops his head into my room, telling me the police was here and they wanted to talk to me in my room in private. Me, wanting to be cooperative, let them into my room despite how uncomfortable I was feeling. A police officer came in then. Only one? I was very confused. They then sat down on a small chair that sat at my desk that I use to blog. They tell me apparently I’d seen someone earlier that day, making quite serious allegations. Me, not knowing what they were talking about, denied it all. That’s when my stepdad stepped in. He had informed the officer before they had entered my bedroom that I was autistic.

It’s like a light bulb turned on in their head as the atmosphere suddenly changed. They started asking if I could have had an outburst, said something without realising, trying to use what they view as how autistic people apparently behave against me. You can probably imagine, I was NOT happy at ALL! I insisted that I didn’t do anything but they kept asking and asking repeatedly if I could have said it during an outburst. I kept answering no over and over again. The nerve to then ask me if, because I have autism, could I have done it without realising???

I was fed up at this point, I was getting angry, emotional and tired of being asked the same questions. I was tired of giving them the same answer. I wasn’t comfortable with being questioned by only one person. For me, I find it intimidating to be questioned one on one as I get overwhelmed if I get asked the same questions repeatedly.

It took my stepdad, who is not autistic, telling them none of us, including me, knew nothing about the situation in question. Why didn’t they believe ME, an autistic person who knew the truth??? I don’t know but either way, no one should have their autism used as a weapon by police officers. I wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else so why is it being allowed to happen??

All I know is these types of situations should NOT be allowed to happen. The police in my eyes need training on how they handle such delicate matters to not allow incidents like to happen again.

Many people like with autism have probably had similar situations and might understand that I have lost my trust in them, they’re supposed to keep everyone safe after all.

Thanks for reading.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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How Soon Is Too Soon To Move On???

Hey, guys SOOOOO sorry for the delay in posting, had some technical issues that I’ve been trying to fix for a while now but got it sorted.

There’s a good reason why I ask this question: My stepdad is already trying to move on with someone new. It’s only been six months since my mum died but it feels like he’s already trying to replace her with any woman who’ll have him. I don’t issues with trying to move on but I do at the same time.

I feel six months is too soon. I have stepped into a role that I didn’t feel at all prepared for by trying to keep the house functioning and making sure everything is running smoothly while looking after my younger sister. But I feel that by trying to move on, he’s trying to get rid of me as I would have no purpose to be around.

Some might say I sound envious, some might say that I’m overreacting to such changes. But I an trying to come from a place that I want stability for my younger sister, I don’t want her to think it’s normal that her dad having a new woman every other month is normal, you know???? I don’t want so much instability in her home life to mess her up, I’ve been there, it’s no fun town in that place.

Hope you understand and thank you.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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Changing People’s Perception On The Autism Community

Perception – the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.

Or: the way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.

The thing about perception is that perception can be built based on what they hear about things, what they see on TV and the influence around them and how they express things about certain topics.

The thing is, people’s perception of the Autism community has only started chaning I’d roughly say in the last maybe 15 years since they’ve only just started realising that autism isn’t something to fear like the charity Autism Speaks likes to portray. I do not support Autism Speaks, I think they are harmful to the Autism community and I know many people would agree with me.

To be honest, the reason autism has been perceived and portrayed the way it has in movies, TV and other media is because they’ve never been able to put the Autism community into a specific box where we’re supposed to fit in when it comes to society plus they’ve never really known what to do with females on the Autism Spectrum as the assessments and the tests are all aimed at men and boys so females have a harder journey getting a diagnosis because of this.

The thing about trying to change people’s perception is that do people want to change that perception? Will the portrayals seen in media change as well? These questions I don’t have the answers to but maybe people need to think about how harmful some perceptions can and portrayals in the media would help change that perception maybe if they stopped just portraying white men on the Spectrum and maybe look at other people who are on the Spectrum.

Thanks for reading.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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Sensory Nightmare

Hey guys, back to regular posts now. As you know, I have been opening up slowly about my autism and I did a post recently about my diagnosis journey but today’s post is going to be a little bit different. Today, I want to write about some of my sensory issues.

I’ve always had sensory issues from certain smells to lots of noise to how I like my food to certain textures against my skin. For example, I can’t stand spicy food, I like bland food, like sausage rolls etc. I don’t like smell of coffee or mint, it makes me sick. I don’t like going outside either, to be honest, because I don’t like the noise or the crowds. But the thing I don’t like the most is the feeling of socks or denim against my skin, to me, it’s irritating.

Some people haven’t always understood why I wear headphones playing music wherever I go. Have they thought maybe it’s my way of focusing my senses? I always have either a podcast, relaxing sounds or music playing but even then, I get weird looks. People have not always known what to do with me. They never knew because they didn’t understand my issues. To me, the feeling of leather is relaxing, something in my headphones playing is relaxing, any smell other than coffee or mints is relaxing, there’s no need to judge someone based on how they look or seem on the outside, actually consider what might be going on in that person’s mind. Actually consider talking to them instead of giving them a weird look or questioning to yourself why someone acts or looks a certain way.

Thank you for reading.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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Grief and Saying Goodbye To a Loved One

Hey readers, I know I haven’t been posting a lot recently but this time, I have a genuinely good reason: just over a month ago, my mother died. I didn’t know what to post to say about it as I spent so long in shock but man, reality has really hit home. I needed some time, I needed privacy to process everything because things have changed, they really have. My journey, the way I write, the path I’ve been taking, this loss has really put things into perspective, it’s really made me open my eyes.

As you readers know, me and my mother didn’t have the perfect relationship, we had many ups and downs, but don’t most mother and daughters? We had our fights, we had our arguments, neither of us were perfect at all. But just because our relationship wasn’t perfect, doesn’t mean I didn’t love her anymore than before. This blog has always been a place where I can confide to you readers and I understand that my lack of posts at times might make you think I don’t enjoy blogging, I do, I really do, I’ve had this blog for years now, if I wanted to stop, I’d have revealed my identity and said I wasn’t going to be blogging anymore, but don’t worry, not happening anytime soon but anyways….

Saying goodbye to both my grandma and my uncle in the last couple has been tough, my mother, on the other hand, I’m not sure what I feel about my relationship with grief. Grief makes impact in many ways. To some it lingers, to others it hits you like a slap to the face but that doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving, it’s your process, it’s how you grieve not how anybody wants you to grieve, they can’t tell you, it’s a path, a journey if you will, that winds and unwinds at many turns in your life. Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me through this journey.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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My Autism Diagnosis Journey

Hey, readers, I am SOOOOO sorry for being away for so long but this post will explain a huge reason for my absence from the blog recently.

I have previously opened up about being on the Autism Spectrum but I have been on a journey to get rediagnosed as certain things I was told didn’t get sorted when I was diagnosed as a child. My journey to get my diagnosis sorted out once and for all began in late 2019, I was referred to get a diagnosis by a Mental Health worker although I did not become aware of this until later on.

The journey was tough. With lockdowns and different changes, I really struggled to cope with the pandemic as it made the journey even longer. Between 2019 and 2020, nothing really happened. It wasn’t until late 2021 I found out what was happening, that I’d been referred to get my Autism diagnosis that would hold up nowadays compared to what it was like when I was a child. Believe me, it was a ROLLERCOASTER! Not literally, anyway.

If I’m going to get precise about when I think my autism diagnosis properly began, it was December 2021, when I received a letter to return to sender where I ticked different boxes of what I struggled with on the Spectrum and where I’m not exactly sure how to word this so I’ll shut up. Anyway, I didn’t have my proper assessment until March 2022, where I was told that an observation would be done on me to see where I fitted on the Spectrum or if I actually didn’t. Now I’m actually going to get candid here, I was terrified. I was terrified of the unknown, terrified of whether it’d be the mess it was when I was a child, all these fears inside me leading up to this day. I did my best in the observation but there were certain things I really struggled with but it was done and I was told I had to wait to get my diagnosis and report back as they wanted to go through my history within how it was done when I was younger and people who had worked with me during that period of time. I had to provide a few things, obviously, but it got the ball rolling.

I got my report and diagnosis on Thursday 7th April 2022. I had been in college that day, I wasn’t expecting the letter containing the report and diagnosis when I got home that day. I remember my older sister, who recently got diagnosed with Asperger’s, reading the contents of the report and she broke down what everything meant and what areas I struggled with and she also talked about her own process as she had been diagnosed not belong before me so we were on a similar journey around the same time. The first person outside my family I told was my support at college, they had been by my side as I waited for it to come through and knew what the journey was like. I confided that I was worried that people would look at me as an even bigger weirdo than they already did, I was anxious about how people around me would look at me now. I had actually been documenting my journey through my art work, as I was doing projects about autism awareness and am currently working on acceptance. It’s a big two parter! My autism journey hasn’t ended after the diagnosis, it’s just beginning.

Thank you for reading!

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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The Power Behind Words

How powerful words can be depending on the way you say it or the way you mean it. Words can either send you into trouble or they can get you a long way depending on the message behind them and the way the words are said. Whether the words are meant to spread peace and joy or cause harm and hurt others deep down, they still have power and weight behind them. I’ve learnt that the hard way.

Whether you don’t mean it or you do, they can make people feel different emotions from sadness to happiness, from hurt to anger, they have an effect. But either way, words can be damaging no matter how you use them.

I’ve learnt my lesson when I’ve been blunt with people and I wouldn’t always say it in the right way so I’d get in worse trouble than I’d already be in. I’ve had horrible words thrown at me over the years about the way I am, the way I look or my weight. It forced me to pull up a mask for many years like on this blog I’d hide certain things because I’d be worried about reaction. But since I started opening up more like about my autism for example, I’ve started to build the courage to talk about other things in my life, things that I wouldn’t have shared before that point and I want to say thank you for giving the confidence boost. But still, however you read this, I’m grateful for you guys.

G2G,

Crazy World Online
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Trying To Get College Educated On Autism

Is it possible that college still need educating on autism? That they don’t have a clue on how to handle a sensory overload or a an autism meltdown/shutdown? This is a conversation I recently had with support I have at college because I feel that they don’t have a clue on how to deal with me at times when I’m having a sensory overload or an autism meltdown/shutdown. I have also tried having this conversation with tutors at college about maybe having a day where they educate people on autism and do activities. I mean, they have days dedicated to voting, for goodness sake! Why not for autism? But they said I was being too ambitious. Why kind of comment is that?!

This conversation didn’t make me feel very confident on getting them to educate people and themselves on autism. People around them might be on the spectrum and they don’t realise! Autism isn’t the same as voting, yes in your eyes it might be a challenge, but it needs to be talked about more! I have many friends I went to school with, on my old campus, who agree that I should push on with this but I’m ready to give up with this quest.

Autism isn’t like voting, it’s not a “once in a generation” thing, it’s a spectrum that people all around us is affected by in some way, either first hand or know someone who is on the spectrum. I’m sorry if my wording comes across offensive or anything like that by the way. Autism isn’t for fixing, it’s not a bad thing but people still treat it like it is. It just means our brains work slightly differently, but we’re unique in our own special way.

I know first hand what it’s like to live with autism and it makes me uncomfortable and angry to think that people don’t realise the weight behind their words whenever they mock autism, and this is why I’m pushing for it to be talked about within my college.

Thank you for reading and listening.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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Confronting My Year 8 Bully For Answers

My school experiences I have referred to a few times in the 4 years I’ve done this blog but this is something I’ve rarely talked about. Year 8 was probably one of the most traumatising things to have happened to me. I went into year 8 on the back of a near death experience that had already left me physically and mentally scarred for life. Year 8 was the trigger that finally caused me to snap.

Year 8 caused a lot more distress and anger than I already had from my near death experience. This was partly due to the near death experience happening in the July and the bullying starting just 2 months later in September. If that’s not bad timing, I don’t know what is. For 6 years of my life, I’ve kept this experience bottled up.

The bullying I went through in year 8 drove me to attempt suicide. The bullies called me names, talked disgusting things about my family and my past which they knew nothing about and a scar of which I’m still ashamed of to this day, a scar I rarely talk about and hide. Well in the last few days, I decided it was high time I got answers in order to close this dark chapter in my life.

You see, I had one of my former year 8 bullies messaging me for about a few days before I finally decided to dig into the past to look for answers. I had so many questions about that period like, “Why was I bullied?”, “Why did you isolate me from my friends?” and most importantly of all, “Are you even sorry for what happened?”. I have been so desperate for answers to these questions for so long.

When I look at the conversation, I realise I had a target on my back for my bullies just because my older sister rejected the main bully. Yes, that’s right. I had to pay the price for something my sister did and it’s painful to think about when I look back. I mean, how did I not notice that this was the reason? Was I that stupid and blind?! Or did I not want to acknowledge this information??? I mean, they tried saying my sister put a gun to their head and said “Bully her” but I only started opening my eyes to this in year 10.

But the thing is, despite saying he’d go back in time and realise the damage he caused, I don’t think he was genuinely sorry. I mean, why has it taken 6 years to apologise? And then he had the nerve to think that I wanted to get back together with him! NO, JUST NO! I said that too much has happened, I can never trust him. But the problem is, my feelings are all over the place.

What would you guys do in this situation?

Let me know!

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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Potentially Setting Up A YouTube Channel

Hey guys, as you can see, I am potentially setting up a YouTube channel but I wasn’t sure how you guys would feel about me going more virtual and talking on video about different things.

I did this post to ask for your opinion because I don’t want to make such a huge risk without no support or advice beforehand and before I make a final decision. I know this might be pointless compared to my last post but I want to involve you guys more with some Q+As and things like that.

So please let me know how you feel about this.

G2G,

Crazy World Online

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